He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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