i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize