dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
