Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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