so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
