Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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