Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
