We won't sleep together?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize