google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
