People with herpes should wear stickers.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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