I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
