you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.