you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize