I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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