Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
