I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
