A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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