You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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