i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
