I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
