i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
