There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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