You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
