I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Every concussion has its silver lining
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
