You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
