youre lurking in front of me
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
