yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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