I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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