Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
