Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
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I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
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I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
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