Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
