Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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