From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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