I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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