i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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