Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
