fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Randomize
