I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
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