guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
