I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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