well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
