Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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