brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
