he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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