you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just want nice things and good sex
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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