Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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