Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
