No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
