I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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