you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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