I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
