Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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