Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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