I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
