I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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