Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
