the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
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Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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