fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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