she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I want her autograph on my taint
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
