DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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