You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
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