I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
