Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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