I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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