im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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