The maid of honor just puked.
high people should be assigned attendants
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
