I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
he's single and there are thong briefs.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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