There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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