Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
