I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
