update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
