my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
