Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
