oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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