idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
