don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
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According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
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Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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