i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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